Loss of a Loved One: How to Cope

Have you ever lost someone special to you?

Is it the death of loved ones that are giving you more emotional pain or is it something else?

Sometimes grieving moments have a way of manifesting themselves into life hazards such as depression or even suicidal thoughts.  There are many great blogs that are especially dedicated to grief assistance and counseling regardless of your age, gender, type of loss, religion or coping skills, that I will recommend at the end of this blog.

If you are reading this, I want you to understand that I’m sharing my story with you to try and help you find a little relief from your grief or maybe you’ll just discover a positive tidbit to help you today. I want you to know that you are enough, you are important, you are stronger than you realize and you are loved by someone.

I believe most of us have lost someone special in their life and if you’re reading this and you haven’t…. count yourself extremely lucky.

It is important to know how to cope with your own grief as well as ways to stay positive while helping someone else with their grief so that distress does not lead to depression or serious psychological damage.

There are many counselors who are ready to help any and all people with grief and mental health of many types right in your community.

REACH OUT!

Now to share my story:

I’ve lost more than a few of my favorite special people through my short, (but long), 43 years of life.

From friends in high school lost to addiction and accidents to my grandmothers taken one by Multiple Sclerosis and the other by Cancer. Both of my grandfather’s passed early in age with heart issues. My wife’s grandmother survived stroke after stroke and lived a long, full, life but ultimately passed on and most recently her uncle and mother left us way to young and way to soon. 

So much loss and heartache to bare.

Recently, we went to visit my mother-in-law at her final resting place, now almost a year removed from our lives. 

Her ashes were placed at the foot of this beautiful tree with all the character, grace and strength you could want or ask for in a tree.  It was perfect for her. This may not have been the tree she would have selected for herself…honestly my thought was more along the lines of like a weeping willow tree but this IS what she wanted. This is what she had talked about.

The tree resides in the Eco Eternity Forest at Pocono Plateau, (that’s in the Pocono Mountains for those that don’t know), and she will continue to live on and grow as part of this tree in the forest. 

I loved her mom so much. There was so much to love about her, and if I were to keep writing about her, I don’t know if I would ever finish this post. She was just one of those people that made you feel Important…. warm… welcomed… special, no matter if you only had the chance to speak with her or you had the pleasure of being in her presence. She just had this way about her.

I cherished every moment I spent with her. I’m a better person because of her and I’ll miss her and her hugs more than I could ever express in this blog.

Our visit begins like this:

Kristine is driving and we get to the Eternity Forest after traveling for about 2 hours from our home near Philadelphia with only a stop to use the restroom.  I know she was filled with anxiety on the way up. I was too.

As we arrive at the site location, we have to park near a Park Utility building away from the path because of snow that had fallen the night before.

We marched into the woods, adorned with a fresh coat of untouched white snow. Of course, us being “city folk” we were not prepared for the snow and not one of us had on boots.  We were all wearing shoes that you would not want to be walking through the snow. Smartly, my wife keeps plastic bags in the trunk of the car to recycle at the store whenever she goes back and tells all of us to wrap our shoes in the bags to keep our feet from getting soaked and cold. This of course works for all of us but Ella who proceeds to step on rocks and sticks, which proceeds to rip and shred the bags, thus resulting in cold, wet Ella shoes and feet when we return to the car. 

Anyway, the walk in to the site is about a quarter mile from where you have to leave your car, but it felt longer in the snow, or it was just the anxiousness I was having of seeing the site again.  

I lead the way, distinctly remembering the path, even with the snow making it look very different.  I stop every once in a while, and turn to make sure Kristine and the kids are alright following me. I am acutely aware of how hard this visit will be on my wife and she is on my mind the entire walk.

I get to the location and take a minute to look up at the sheer height of the tree, appreciating the bare branches, knots, and burls, all the way to the snow-covered roots. I say a silent prayer.  I watch as Kristine takes her time focusing her energy in order to get the most beautiful photo of the tree. She takes the picture and it’s amazing.  Mason hugs the tree and finds the words that only Mason could find to try and provide some comfort to us, while we try to keep our emotions and hold back tears. 

I felt the urge to make a little snowman, as well as, make a heart from fallen twigs, in order to somewhat adorn the tree with something special while there’s snow on the ground. I thought of flowers while we were on the drive but didn’t say anything and somehow, I think what I did was better anyway. 

Kristine asked to be alone for a little bit at the tree, which of course we did for her, but I made sure not to go too far. I wanted to make sure I was within a few steps in case she needed me for any reason.  She cried and spoke alone.  I teared up as I watched her kneeling down touching the snow at the base of the tree.  She misses her mother more than anything.  She was her best friend.  She was her mom.

I know the pain of her being gone will always be with us but I also know that she’s watching over us and protecting us too.

We see signs from her. Moss growing in the shape of hearts randomly discovered on an interesting rock, to beautiful birds appearing in our backyard out of nowhere, we know she’s all around us and will always live in our hearts.

I’m writing this to ask you to take a look at your life and whom you have around you, whether it be family, friends, or significant others and:

Love those people in your life that are special to you.

 

Love them every day. Tell them you love them all the time. See them as much as you can. Hug each other. Hold each other. Be in the moment.

Our lives are made up of moments. Don’t take them for granted.

Live life to the fullest and stay positive.

Here is a list of my daily positive affirmations that you can use every day to help, you be positive. They may seem a little obvious or even cliché, but they work…they help:

1. I am strong

2. I believe in myself and my abilities

3. I let go of my negativity

4. I focus on what I can control and make peace with what I can not

5. My best moments are yet to come

6. I am confident in my future

7. An amazing day begins with an amazing mindset

8. I can handle what is put in my path today

9. I am unaffected by others’ opinions of me

10. I love myself and am true to myself

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Sincerely,

Everything Honestly

 

If you are having trouble coping with grief, there are some wonderful resources available to help you though your difficult times.  Don’t ever be afraid to reach out and speak to someone.  Talk with someone that understands and can help you. 

I have provided a couple of free sites below that you can go to in order to talk with someone openly and anonymously.

• stillstanding.com is a blog written to help cope with the loss of a child or infertility

• The Greif Healing Blog: This blog is developed by Marty Tousley who writes to express her feelings and tries to understand your problems and provide a sound solution.

We are looking forward to meeting you! Are you looking forward to meeting us? Let our honesty fulfill your curiosity for accurate information!